today i'm heartbroken, even at 4am in the morning.

we've known each other for years. you led me on again and again. over the years, i've been faithful, yet you remained undecided and uninterested. but i held on to the slightest hope.

you have given me false hopes, that maybe one day all the support and faith that i've had in you will pay off. but you lied.

tonite, i lay on my bed heartbroken. why did you do this to me? toying with my emotions as if i'm just another one of your victims.

why must you lose to the damned lakers 4-1 in the first round playoff series? why , why?!?!?

The Early November - "Dinner at the Money Table"

I've got a day and a reason
Why I should not believe in..anything, anymore
What's this for?
My time well spent
I've got all these memories that I cannot believe in
Cause I don't know where I've been all these years
All these years

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again

Two days after leaving and I don't have a reason to keep you from being here
I don't steer these thoughts away
I know that you know this but I could never get you to believe all my fears
Is this your clear?
I think so

And do you know this reason
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again..and again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it cause I will not give up
And we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..again..again

And do you know this reason?
I hope that you can see it.
Cause I will not give up and we all know what you've done again
I can see right through you
You're making your way over again..

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home
unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts
the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her
lover in the closet, with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it."
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$25.00"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are again in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball mitt."
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$75.00"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball
back and forth." The boy says, "I can't, I sold
them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them
for?" Boy "$100.00" The father says, "That's
terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That's
way more than those two things cost. I'm going to
take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy
sit in the confessional booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."

i'm seriously beginning to think that college is getting the best of me. as of late my mood changes as unpredictably as the houston weather. the cause could be stress, could be lack of sleep, could be whatever. but it's hard for me to hold back for so long just to contain everything in. as much fun and unrestrictive as my college lifestyle is, i almost lone for the days in high school where everything was so carefree...

but then again, i think i should just quit whining and grow up, like now.

life is a fucking bitch.

i really don't need crap like this on top of what i got on my hand right now...

"do what makes YOU happy", that's what i saw in a friend's profile.

first thought, duh, no shit, genius.

after pondering for a bit, i've realized that how little i truly lived up to that statement.

i put on a fake facade daily to face the rest of the world. you think you know me but i seriously doubt it. everybody keeps a part of them to themselves only, deep inside there where nobody can reach.

i've been so caught up in meeting everybody else's expectations rather than doing things that would make me happy. it makes me sound really selfish, but hey...

maybe i just enjoy slacking off, or the 5am cramming for diff eq, or the hours of computer games i play, or bballing the night before a midterm, or having a very very crappy gpa in UT.

it sounds like i'm giving up on my grade or life or something, but i'm not. of course i want to strive to be the very best i can be in college (no army pun intended).

or do i?

am i just *satisfied* with the mediocracy? it's something i have yet to discover...

sure, go party, get drunk, have a blast, live life the way YOU want to live and have fun doing it.

but make DAMN SURE that in the end, you don't regret a single thing you've ever done in your life.

maybe it's time to change.

the time of the post says it all.

who needs sleep when you can cram for diff eq 2 hours before the actual midterm? =)

i'll be thinking about the lan party for the next week or so now. w00t!

back to variation of parameters and singular points now... wish me luck.

yup, indeed i was...

2 hours of bball was good

8 hours of sleep was good

eating cold pizza was/is good

studying for EE312 test and then get assraped by it was NOT good... especially since i had the worst allergy the night of cramming, which forced me to go to sleep only hours after midnight (yup, that early). running nose, watery eyes, sneeze every few seconds. it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

on a more positive note...

um...

*scratches head*

(talks to no one) a little help here?

ah the life of an EE student... =)

fucked...